Is Trust Earned?
Tuesday True Tale #27
As an inner-city pastor of a small church, I have the time and opportunity to invest in our folks, and it's a good thing because they can have significant issues. To give effective, biblical counsel to someone requires a mutual effort. Often, counselors attempt to do extensive, in-depth counseling without truly having the cooperation and trust of the one they're trying to counsel. It's vital to lay the groundwork in a relationship meant to evangelize, disciple, or counsel. Most inner-city people have culturally unique problems requiring a thorough understanding, so they are open to transparency, listening, and agreeing to apply biblical counsel. Many pastors do not realize the ethnic and cultural peculiarities of those they attempt to help. Sensitivity to these cultural influences will positively affect the openness and trust necessary for resolutions.
Shortly after Lakisha began attending, we recognized she was eager to become part of our church; she needed encouragement and support. She expressed this eagerness to be part of a church family while remaining guarded in many ways. She became a regular, and we got to know her little by little. We saw her deep feelings of bitterness and resentment. My wife and I began a determined effort to befriend and counsel her. A few weeks after becoming regular, she came forward desiring to be saved. She didn't wait until I finished preaching. She walked up to me, sobbing, as I closed the service. She gave her heart to Christ that day. Our work to get to know her now became formal discipleship. Because she was disabled, we offered to bring her to church every Sunday and Wednesday. For five years, we spoke to her, regularly answering her questions, teaching biblical doctrine, helping her deal with bitter memories from her childhood, and understanding the grace, love, and forgiveness of Christ in a deeper, more accurate way.
Her father and brothers had abused Lakisha, and she left home in her early teens. She married before she turned 20. He turned out to be abusive to her and their two children. Lakisha left him. She developed confidence, courage, and determination to survive as a single mother. During these years, she also developed walls of protection. These walls needed to be broken down, but she did all she could to keep them up. She was determined never to be hurt again.
Week after week, month after month, year after year, we had endless opportunities to get to know her. We did all we could to support her in every way and ultimately established a very close relationship. But that wasn't enough.
Five years into our relationship, we had one particular conversation about trust. She told us rather matter-of-factly that she trusted no one. I said, "Lakisha, we've known you for five years. We've been honest with you, worked with you, and helped you learn as a new believer. How much do you trust us?” She held her hand up with her index finger and thumb coming together in a pinching gesture. Her fingers were about a quarter of an inch apart, and she said, "Pastor Bill, I trust you and Tamra this much."
Five years of investing time, effort, and love. Five years of helping her restore her life and grow in Christ and she barely trusted us at all? I'll admit, we were stunned. But as we talked about it, we realized that establishing a relationship at a level of trust was one thing, but tearing down the barriers, required a great deal of work. They would not come down easy. She built them up carefully and meticulously.
We had invested much in Lakisha, and she offered us little. We decided to work with what we had and keyed on that trust. It took a great deal of commitment and patience, but she eventually allowed us to speak to her without resistance. It was at the point she began to grow.
What of our level of trust in Christ? How much are we willing to trust Him? Lakisha withheld trust because she had been hurt, disappointed, and felt unloved and uncared for. These are the same reasons we may withhold our trust in Christ. We cannot deny trust in Christ when we need Him most. My wife and I did all we could to earn Lakisha’s trust and received limited amounts. Christ gave everything for our trust, yet we can be very stingy with it as if we expect Him to earn it from us.
Regardless of our trial, our pain, and our reasons, we feel are legitimate enough to withhold our total trust from Christ. We need to tear down those walls and trust in Him. That is when growth happens. That’s when peace takes residence in our hearts.